


I wrote you a letter

by Emrize_cryingpiano, Tacodebuche13 (Emrize_cryingpiano)



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Goodbyes, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, Love Confessions, Love Letters, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:21:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29449224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emrize_cryingpiano/pseuds/Emrize_cryingpiano, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emrize_cryingpiano/pseuds/Tacodebuche13
Summary: Will leaves Ardhalis, abandoning Kym without saying goodbye properly."She held him. She held him tight even when he cried out for her to leave him alone. She offered him a shoulder to cry on. She hugged him and didn't let go, not until he calmed down himself."
Relationships: Kym Ladell & Kieran White, Kym Ladell & Lauren Sinclair, Kym Ladell & Other(s), Kym Ladell/Lauren Sinclair, Lauren Sinclair & Kieran White, Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, William Hawkes & Kym Ladell, William Hawkes & Lauren Sinclair, William Hawkes/Kym Ladell, William Hawkes/Lauren Sinclair
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	I wrote you a letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bookswithjackie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookswithjackie/gifts).



> Evelyn notes:
> 
> Hello Jackie! I am your secret Valentine's Day, LET ME TELL YOU I LOVE THE SONGS YOU CHOSE TO THE POINT THAT BECAME MY FAVOURITES. ESME AND I WERE CRYING 24/7 WHEN WE WROTE THIS. AND YES, BASICALLY ESME WAS MY SLAVE AND I MAKE HER WRITE THE WHOLE FANFIC UNTIL 3 A.M. YOU KNOW, FRIEND STUFF. 
> 
> This fanfic will have about 3 chapters and an epilogue I think, and we hope you like it, it's made with a lot of love totally for you💓
> 
> Esme notes:
> 
> Hey, this is a fanfic I wrote for my dear friend, Evelyn; and a gift for @Jackie, for Valentine's Day. Hope you like this I'm your fan💖oh please you choosed TaylorGod music hmpamalqamsf
> 
> I hope my terrible writing don't blind you, please tell me what do you think because I am not good at these things 😭😭😭😭😭
> 
> I hope you to have a wonderful day, and enjoy the reading:)

William roamed the lonely streets of Ardhalis, in the dim, barely rising sunlight. His arms wrapped tightly around the suitcase, frowning to control the trembling in his eyes and the threatening tears that were coming. He didn't believe he was ready to leave. 

His eyes wandered lazily, jumping between appreciating the sunrise and the shades of colors formed by the clouds in the morning twilight; and the waters of the river, wich depth and a sound that was thunderous, but at the same time calm and peaceful, made his skin tingle. 

He was walking towards a particular place, but ironically lost in the immense emptiness of the destination that awaited him. 

The news was last minute. 

After everything that had happened after his mother's death, his father felt that nothing tied him to this city anymore. If he could not succeed professionally in Ardhalis, he would succeed outside of it. 

A position as chief of police in Quinbridge, too tempting to waste. It would have been so much better if he hadn't been warned two nights before. He barely had time to process it and pack his bags, to leave. 

Apparently, contrary to Stefan's belief, William would be leaving behind many, many important things. He had his friends, his memories, his childhood and his broken family, his favorite places to walk on a Sunday afternoon or have alone time when he felt empty. 

It was all going to end. Everything was going to go to hell because of his father's goddamn orders. He had never defied him. He couldn't defy him. He would heed to the end and obey as much as necessary. Even knowing that continuing to listen would only consume him more inside. That he would become, little by little, an empty shell of what he once was, and that his body, dead yet alive, would be filled with a flat, proud, materialistic personality, as was done to his father. 

At the moment, he was still feeling. There was no need to fear, he still felt the fire burning fiercely inside him, indicating that he was alive, waiting to come out. 

But he was still broken by the helplessness in which he lived. To always be subjected to someone superior to him, who managed him like a puppet and pulled his strings at will. It was suffocating. 

And one of the things that broke him the most, was that he would lose Kym Ladell. That hyperactive girl who turned his world upside down. 

That girl who ruined the plans , annoyed the hell out of him, who didn't do her job well just to see how angry he was; and who also gave him the best experiences he could have. The girl who brought him to life.

Gods, he loved her. 

He had loved her for a long time. He thought she would never know, but hey, things happen unexpectedly. 

And it happened unexpectedly. It happened in that late December where his mother passed away. The event that brought him so much misery, and for which, thank heaven, he found a small glimmer of hope after all the suffering.

It was on one of those horrible days where the possibilities of suicide crossed his mind and his heart couldn't seem to hold on any longer. 

She held him. She held him tight even when he cried out for her to leave him alone. She offered him a shoulder to cry on. She hugged him and didn't let go, not until he calmed down himself. 

They were on the Saint Lawrence bridge. It wasn't a lie that this was a place where he constantly went to think about "maybe" and reflect when he was depressed; although it was usually only frustration and stress that made him go. That day, the "maybe" might have been real... He was so lucky that there was someone who appreciated him, who knew he wasn't okay and who, to his surprise, was willing to support him. 

Most surprising of all, that person was none other than the annoyingly wonderful sergeant of the 11th Precinct, his subordinate. 

She wouldn't let him fall, she clung to his bruised body and told him that she would have to throw herself out of there with him, if he felt that death would be a real solution to his life. She told him that she wouldn't let him go so easily. That she loved him and didn't want and couldn't lose him. They had a heated discussion where they confessed certain conflicts they carried with them. And part of those "conflicts" included certain feelings they were hiding from each other.

It was a great support for him to lean on someone. To be able to get out what he felt and be himself in front of someone without feeling judged. To feel the warmth of arms wrapping around him after years, to sing a forgotten lullaby in a duet of piano and voice, and to sing the beautiful melody of love itself in the bright moonlight, unafraid of the wolves that might be awaiting for them outside, because they knew they could face them together. That now, they would be stronger. 

Hell, it was so hard to accept that he would win at his father's game, but lose at the game of love. 

Over the last few months he finally met the closest thing to happiness he could imagine. He showed a genuine smile illuminated by that of his beloved. But soon it would fade and cease to shine. 

He got the most longed-for position in his job, he would finally become chief of police. The position for which a few months ago he would have done anything to gain and win his father's approval; but now.... Now everything was different. 

In his mind there was only that girl with the jet-blue hair and bright bronze eyes; who made him lose his mind, whether it was because of her foolishness or her charm. The girl with whom he had to pretend absolutely nothing, with whom he spent the best days of his life, the girl who comforted him and helped him find joy in this corrupt and sick world. 

He didn't know if he was even capable of looking her in the eye and telling her he had to leave, telling her he had to let go of all the moments they spent, what they built, their promises, and the words of love not yet spoken.

Wait, yes he did know. He wasn't capable. That was why he wrote her a letter. Because he couldn't just look her in the eye and say "I'm leaving." He couldn't and would never have enough courage to face that fear. 

Funny thing was, he was abandoned at the train station with nothing less than a letter, and now he was repeating the action with his most loved one. Was this how Rafael felt that day? How long has it tormented him? Either way, he could no longer change it. By this time, he could no longer erase the past. And the damage he would do to his girl would be beyond repair.... 

He'd better stop thinking about worthless feelings, and start focusing on his real job. 

* * *

"Hey, Kym. Focus on your paperwork. Just because you're dating Will now doesn't mean he's not going to yell at you if you stop doing your work." Says Lauren smiling, encouraged. 

Apparently, in the last few months the atmosphere in the office has improved noticeably. The lieutenant is much nicer to Kym, and more relaxed with everyone in general; and although the PS investigations haven't made much progress, the calm has remained in the city, which gives them some peace. 

Kym picks up those pesky papers and rolls her eyes when a yellow envelope, stamped with her name on the return address, falls on her desk. A letter, apparently. She raises an eyebrow, intrigued by the contents.

"Coffee?" Kieran offers the girls, catching their attention. "It's a phenomenal day, but it can still help you get energized on the patrol today."

"Thanks, Kieran. I'll take one." Lauren tells him, smiling, grabbing a cup. 

"Me too, thank you very much." Kym says, and takes the other cup. 

"Wow, Miss Ladell." Kieran blurts out, looking at her left hand, which is holding the envelope. "Looks like some admirer left you a love letter. Could it be from William, perchance?" he suggests, not bothering to moderate his tone of voice. 

Then everyone in the office turns to them with accusing glances and Kym makes a telltale failed attempt to hide the envelope. Giggles and obvious whispers are heard in the background. 

**"Oh, please! I'm sure it's nothing romantic."** She waves his hand, shaking his head. **"But, I wouldn't even care if it was."**

"Sure." Lauren mutters. 

"Hey, it doesn't pay for you to have an opinion. You're always going around exposing everyone." Kym says, playfully angry. 

"Oh, please. I hope they're not going to flood the office with their romantic nonsense Sh*t, it would be so desperate to witness." Lukas says from his corner, annoyed. 

"God, no one is being romantic, everyone better shut up and get to work." Kym silences everyone and gives a chilling look, forcing closure, so she can concentrate. 

After a few last glances, veryone turns their attention back to their own work. 

Sitting down, Kym's gaze returns to the envelope, which she opens to pull out the letter, and begins to read. It's from William. 

She didn't know William was romantic enough to leave a love letter on her desk, but she has no complaints either. She smiles nervously as she feels her cheeks tinge red and her heart race a little, and begins to read. 

_"To my dearest and fantastic kym:"_

Couldn't this be more tender? Kym gets very excited for what she might find next, she clears her throat as continues reading and can't help the growing smile that breaks across her face. A pair of stealth glances still assail her, but she can ignore them. She reads again from the beginning, just to get excited again. 

_“To my dearest and fantastic Kym:_

_I wrote you a letter. I've been writing you these verses for a long time, even without knowing they were dedicated to you. I've been hating you all these years, when I was really hiding these feelings I had. Now that we finally can tell each other, I have to go away, and I probably won't come back._

_I'm so sorry, love. Forgive me for not being the guy you expected. Sorry for being so fucking selfish and cowardly. I hope someone comes into your life who dares to leave everything for you, I don't deserve you. I hope you find happiness with someone else soon."_

What the hell is that? Now confusion floods her face. It must be a joke. Wait, Will doesn't do pranks, why would he send something like that? 

_"I couldn't even have the courage to say this to you head-on. I'm just not, and will never be ready to say goodbye to you._

_It's killing me to always have to pretend to be okay, to always have to obey. I feel like I'm dead, and you're the one who brings me back to life._

_It is curious and at the same time fascinating, that the noisy girl who climbed on the desks, screaming like a crazy, and who made me lose my temper; would become my everything._

_I remember your first day at the precinct, you spilled coffee on my paperwork and I started chasing you around the office, until I lost sight of you and couldn't see your face until a week later._

_You've always been that smiling girl, who doesn't care what people think of her if she's having a good time, who taught me that our life is like a clock that at any moment can stop. And that a stopped clock can keep telling the right time twice a day. Oh, you are so incredible and that is precisely why I don't have the courage to tell you I'm leaving, face to face._

_I'm leaving to pretend to be perfect to a fake society and a damn privilege I wish I'd never had. I wish I could leave this charade, but I'm just a fool who only sees for himself, who has to repair absolutely everything he breaks with every step he takes even if he didn't break it; and if I broke your heart... Kym, my beloved girl... If I broke your heart I couldn't bear it, much less repair it._

_I need to breathe, I need to let you go. As much as it hurts and torture my heart, in the end.... In the end I feel like I learned nothing of what you taught me. I feel like I do more harm than good by being in your life._

_Forgive me but I'm not ready for this, and I know because of that you deserve someone better than me to be by your side._

_I am leaving for Quinbridge tomorrow in the morning._

_Specifically, I will be taking the 6:50 am train. I've been offered a police chief position there, and it's a job opportunity I can't pass up. You know I can't do anything about it, and it's something that was already picked out for me. I only got Word a couple of days ago, and I only had time to pack my bags and write this to you. I hope you find this envelope soon._

_Oh, my beloved. Perhaps... In another life... Maybe our romance would have had a happy ending. ~~Maybe we will get together again in the future, even if it seems impossible…~~ But please, it is impossible. Forget about me and move on with your life. Fall in love with someone else, someone who can give you all the love and happiness you deserve. _

_I'll love you eternally._

_William."_

What the fuck did she just read? Stupid William, what does it all mean? And why did he leave that letter among her paperwork?

Silly, silly, silly. She didn't check this the afternoon before, but she should have. If she had reviewed it, maybe she would have stopped Will in time. But, if he told her through this, why didn't he do it face to face? It dawns on her why. Surely he would be so sad, that seeing her one more time and telling her this before disappearing for a long time, that seeing her react to the news would break him. And Will didn't like to break in front of anyone. 

And that was the point. He left the letter knowing that she would not arrive. He knew her so well, he knew she wasn't going to finish the paperwork and wouldn't find the letter until the next day.

She can't help but feel this pang in her chest, and her friends look at her confused, questioning what's going on.

"Kym, is everything okay?" Lauren smiles kindly, concerned about her bestie expression. In fact, it's obvious to everyone present, that she doesn't look well at all. But Kym's lips quiver and her eyes and nose slowly redden. She runs a hand over her nose, rises from her chair, takes a shaky breath, and tries to speak as comprehensively as she can. 

"Will is leaving. Will is leaving Ardhalis. Lauren, did you know about this?" hisses Kym, takes a breath and lets out the growing desperation, raising the pitch of her voice "He's leaving right now! Dammit, why am I so dumb that I didn't check this yesterday!" she flails her arms and pulls at her hair in frustration. 

"Hey, Kym. Calm down please. This is very rushed, I don't understand what's going on." 

By this time Kym's face is completely red and tears are almost overflowing. 

"W-William!" Kym quickly scans the clock and checks the time. It is 6:45 am. There are only 5 minutes left until the train to go. Her face changes from confusion and fear to becoming serious. She swallows hard, pushes back the chair and starts walking "I ha-I have to go get him."

"Wait, please explain!" says Lauren, but by this time, Kym is already running off, and she knows it will be tricky to stop her. 

Kieran (who is still inside the office, for gossip reasons) and Lauren exchange dumbfounded looks at this scene, look alternately at each other and at the door, then both nod, maintaining eye contact; and then run after Kym together.

"Hey, Kym! Wait up!" growls Lauren. 

"Kym, you better calm down and take a breath, please come back!" shouts Kieran. 

Apparently, Kym isn't hearing anything, again. She's in that trance state where they have only seen her once in their life, the day they found Harvey. And they know she won't stop. 

* * *

The train station is only 15 blocks away, she can make it in time, she can make it before the Deadline. 

The adrenaline starts to kick in and she's just afraid that she won't be fast enough to catch up with him. What is William thinking? That idiot, so useless in front of the authorities, as always. Could it be that he doesn't love her, and that's why he abandoned her so easily? No, he said she was his world, and she doesn't think she needs Lauren's ability to know he was telling the truth.

William may be a fearful coward, but he doesn't tell lies. He doesn't tell lies. She rejoices in that fact so she doesn't burst into tears in broad daylight, in front of the citizens. Will had said he loved her in front of Lauren, once. If it had been a lie, she would have told her by now. She trusts Lauren so much, sure she would have. 

She approaches the station, going so self-absorbed, she doesn't think about how weird and dramatic a police officer looks running on a calm street, being chased by two others; who are shouting her name and trying to get an explanation for her running away.

Finally, as there is a short distance between her and the station entrance, she hears the sound of an engine. Please, it can't be William's train leaving. No. She quickens her pace and clenches her fists. She won't let her boy leave just like that. She won't let her love fade away so fast. Never. She won't lose him. 

But every attempt is in vain, because by the time Kym makes it, the train is leaving. She barely manages to run past the windows, trying to look for Will, with one last hope of finding him and having him tell her that this is all nothing more than a practical joke. One for which she will make him pay. 

She repeatedly screams his name, at the top of her lungs. Obviously no one responds. And worse for her is that she can't even catch a glimpse of him. Her legs falter at the thought of losing him forever, causing her to stumble.

She falls on the floor, props herself up on her knees and stretches out a hand toward the train, which was already moving away. 

"William!" she screams one last time, before closing her eyes and covering her face with one arm.

The blood begins to pump to her face with more force than before and, violently, tears arise forth without stopping. She collapses on one of the waiting benches, leaning on her arms, giving free passage to the storm of emotions.

She couldn't do anything. She didn't do anything. If she had done her job as she should have, maybe she would have caught up with Will. Maybe he wouldn't have left. Maybe he would have stayed and held her tight. It is all her fault. If only her effort would have been enough... If only once she could get there in time to save the people she loved.

Lauren and Kieran show up not long after, but they seem to prefer to give her their space. They are very worried about their friend, but can't intrude too much. When she finally looks at them, she can only go running for their embrace. A few moments later, they're calming Kym down, trying to understand what happened.

Kym tells the contents of the letter and hopes that one of the guys will have a point of view that questions everything and help her figure out that this isn't real. 

But apparently Lauren overheard her uncle talking to Stefan Hawkes a few weeks earlier, although she wasn't quite sure what about. It all fits. 

How the job competition in Ardhalis is indeed very great and that the search for both Lune and PS has proved fruitless, and that Stefan would rather have his son leave town and find luck in another precinct. A "luck" he had already planned himself, in detail. 

Things calm down and the tension drops. A very determined Kym takes the floor. 

"I'll take the next train. I have to go get Will."

Then, Lauren plucks up her courage and asks:

"Kym, that fool William left you here alone. He abandoned you. What do you plan to do about it? Go get him? Really?" 

"I'm sorry, Lauren. But I love him too much. And I'm sure that to him, this hurts as much as it hurts me." 

"You can go, Kym. You're a wonderful person and if that fool has noticed and still run off without a goodbye, the best thing you can do is remind him of his stupidity and take matters into your own hands. Go get him and don't give up!" Kieran encourages her. 

"Are you serious? You're being irrational." Lauren rebukes for the pointless proposal. 

"Lauren, she's in love, love is irrational." 

"I..." Lauren thinks in an answer, but then understands Kieran's logic and decides to support her best friend. "Kym. You won't get another chance. William can get some nonsense deep into his head when his father tells him to, but you've gotten to the bottom of his fears faster and more effectively, and if anything is going to change him, it's you." 

Hearing those words from her friends, Kym's tired eyes seem to slightly resume their usual sparkle and illusion, and she smiles faintly, before hugging them both, again. 

"Thanks, guys. You are the best." 

And the decision is made. The next train leaves in 5 hours. 

> When she finally buries that past and a new clock starts ticking, it seems to break down. This time it's not death that stops it. This time she can and will do something. Kym Ladell won't let love get away from her, and even if it already has, she's going to go after it as far as it takes. Because that's what love does to us. Suddenly, we're irrational. 

**Author's Note:**

> Esme notes:
> 
> Well well, this was written at ungodly hours of the night and revised thousands of times, although I think it may still have a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry. 
> 
> Please do not expect anything from the following chapters, because I have absolutely nothing advanced and the school is eating me alive😪
> 
> Thank you for reading this, and happy Valentine's Day 💖💖💖


End file.
